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Tag: joke

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Trump’s Dishwasher Rant Is Highlight Of Rambling Pre-Debate Rally

WHILE THE DEMOCRATS DEBATED IN IOWA, TRUMP TRIED TO STEAL THE LIMELIGHT BY HOLDING A “KEEP AMERICA GREAT” RALLY UP IN MILWAUKEE. TRUMP KICKED THINGS OFF WITH A MOVE FROM SPEECHWRITING 101.>>AND YOUR GREAT GREEN BAY PACKERS ARE PLAYING SAN

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Meanwhile… Sex Warning Issued For Athlete Beds At Tokyo Olympics

YOU KNOW, I SPEND A LOT OF TIME RIGHT OVER THERE, USING THE RAW MATERIAL OF THE DAY’S BIGGEST STORIES TO CAREFULLY PLAN, DESIGN, AND BUILD FOR YOU THE FIVE-STAR LUXURY HOTEL THAT IS MY MONOLOGUE. ( LAUGHTER ) BUT

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Meanwhile… Billie Eilish’s “Bond” Theme Is Going To Be A Huge Hit
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Meanwhile… Billie Eilish’s “Bond” Theme Is Going To Be A Huge Hit

FOLKS, YOU MIGHT KNOW, IF YOU WATCH THE SHOW — AND I HOPE YOU DO, YOU PROBABLY DO SINCE YOU’RE WATCHING NOW, THEN YOU KNOW I SPEND A FAIR AMOUNT OF THE SHOW OVER THERE, HAND-CRAFTING THE DAY’S NEWS INTO

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Survivor Iowa: Outwit, Outplay, Outspend
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Survivor Iowa: Outwit, Outplay, Outspend

♪ ♪ ♪ >>SIX CANDIDATES: WARREN, BIDEN, STIER, BUTTIGIEG, KLOBUCHAR, AND SANDERS, ALL LOOKING TO REPLACE DONALD TRUMP. MAROONED ON A DEBATE STAGE IN DES MOINES, IOWA, WHERE THEY’LL NAVIGATE THROUGH MANY CHALLENGES, TWEETS FROM DANGEROUS PREDATORS, PEOPLE SWITCHING OVER

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Eugenio Derbez Helped Build His Walk of Fame Star
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Eugenio Derbez Helped Build His Walk of Fame Star

EUGENIO, LAST YEAR YOU WERE GIVEN YOUR STAR ON THE HOLLY WOODS WALK OF FAME AND RIGHTLY SO. BUT I DONE THINK ANYONE HAS DONE THIS BEFORE, YOU ACTUALLY WENT AND HELPED BUILD YOUR STAR.>>YES.>>James: HOW COME, WHY?>>WELL, FIRST OF

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Abby McEnany Gets Improv Notes From Her Second City Teacher, Stephen Colbert

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >>Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! WELCOME BACK! OVER HERE. THIS ONE. SORRY ABOUT THAT. MY NEXT GUEST IS AN ACTOR AND COMEDIAN WHO STARS IN SHOWTIME’S “WORK IN PROGRESS.”>>I THINK PEOPLE ARE SLEEPING WITH OTHER PEOPLE.>>NO ONE.

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Sen. Bernie Sanders: I Will Do Everything I Can To Stop A War With Iran

>>Stephen: FOLKS, MY FIRST GUEST IS AN INDEPENDENT SENATOR FROM VERMONT WHO WANTS TO BE OUR NEXT PRESIDENT. PLEASE WELCOME SENATOR BERNIE SANDERS! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( BAND PLAYING ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( BAND PLAYING

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Penn Badgley Can Go From Charming To Creepy Without Changing His Expression
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Penn Badgley Can Go From Charming To Creepy Without Changing His Expression

LISTEN, EVERYBODY, YOU KNOW MY NEXT GUEST FROM “GOSSIP GIRL,” “EASY A,” AND “JOHN TUCKER MUST DIE.” HE NOW STARS IN “YOU” ON NETFLIX. PLEASE WELCOME PENN BADGLEY! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( BAND PLAYING ) COME ON! YOU

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Joe & Mika: Americans Are Nervous About Fallout From Soleimani Killing
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Joe & Mika: Americans Are Nervous About Fallout From Soleimani Killing

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN — LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, YOU KNOW MY FIRST GUEST TONIGHT IS THE CO-HOST OF “MORNING JOE” ON MSNBC. PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO “THE LATE SHOW,” JOE SCARBOROUGH AND MIKA BRZEZINSKI! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( BAND

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