Thank you so much. As you can see, Ellen
is not here today– again. She’s spending Valentine’s
Day with the love of her life, her beautiful Porsche. She loves that car. Also, her beautiful
wife Portia as well. But you’re in good hands because
this is actually my second time guest hosting this show. And I’ve been here this
season almost as much as Ellen DeGeneres. You know, last time I was here
I was promoting my Christmas album, A Legendary Christmas. And– [CHEERING] I was kind of hoping it would be
the next huge Christmas album. But then in November,
Mariah Carey, she posted this on Instagram
to let everyone know that she’s still the queen of Christmas. [YAWN] [MUSIC PLAYING] Santa! Ho ho ho ho ho ho
ho ho ho ho ho. It’s time. Whoo! [MUSIC – MARIAH CAREY, “ALL I
a lot for Christmas. You know what? Mariah’s right. She’s the queen of Christmas. It’s true. But you know what? There are plenty of other
holidays on the calendar. So I decided I would like
to be the king of Arbor Day. Arbor Day, yes. Only issue is it
turns out I don’t have a lot of songs about trees. I mean, I have one
called “Get Lifted,” but I don’t really have a
lot of songs about trees. I do have a lot of
love songs, though. Yeah! So I decided to make a video
to position myself to be the king of Valentine’s Day. [CHEERING] [YAWN] [MUSIC PLAYING] Cupid. Hello, John. It’s time! Whoo! [MUSIC – JOHN LEGEND,
to change you, change you. I will always want the
same you, same you. Swear on everything I pray to. Yes! That’s the David Guetta
remix of my new song “Conversations in the Dark.” And it turns out that my claim
to be king of Valentine’s Day, it actually worked out, because
I just saw this headline. Apparently, my song “All of
Me” is the number one song for lovers on Spotify. That means a whole lot of
people have made love with me in the room. When people are looking
for love, they turn to me. So I thought I should help
someone in the audience be a little more sexy
for this Valentine’s Day. What do you guys think? Yeah! How about you, sir? Come here. You right there in the beard. Yes. Welcome! How you doing? Hello! All right. What’s your name? Matt Bond. Seriously? That’s your name? Seriously. Well, it’s already pretty sexy. I feel like if you introduced
yourself as, you know, Bond, Matt Bond– Bond, Matt Bond. Yeah! There you are, way sexier! Now, are you married? I am. Do you have kids? I do. How many kids? Four. Whoa! You might not need
any help being sexier. Perhaps you’re a little
too sexy, Matt Bond. Now are you rich or famous? No. OK, this is going to be
a little harder, then. But I do have some
tips to help you out. First, they say
clothes make the man. True, right? Could be. Nothing looks better
than a sharp jacket. So I got you this jacket. Oh, here we go. Oh, wow. Yeah. Yes. This is what we call
a smoking jacket. And it makes you look
smoking hot, Matt Bond. How about Hugh Hefner? Yes, yes, yes. And of course, you should
also serenade your wife. I do that to my wife. You could sing my number one
song for lovers, “All of Me,” of course. Or you could sing my new song,
“Conversations in the Dark.” Let’s hear you sing
something sexy. Oh, man. Uh– blank. How about, “Row,
Row, Row Your Boat?” I’m not sure how sexy that is. Row your boat? OK, that’s enough
singing from you. Actually, you could just get
her my album and that’ll help. I’ll be there in the room when
you guys are making baby number five. And I don’t know if you
heard, but I’m going on tour. Oh. I’m going on tour, guys. All right! Woo-hoo! It’s called The
Bigger Love Tour. The tickets are on sale today. It’s the perfect
Valentine’s Day gift. And I want to invite
you and your wife, Matt, to come see us in concert. Look at that. Thank you. Thank you. And we’re going to
have a great time. We’ll see you then. And next, I think it’s time
to set the mood, you know? You’ve got the music. But you also need some wine. What are your thoughts? Wine is good. It is. So I recommend– A sweet wine, please. A sweet wine? OK. I recommend my wine, LVE Wine. OK. OK. Now, this is the sexiest
wine on the planet, y’all. What you want to do
is pour two glasses and then drink both of them
yourself to loosen things up. And then when your wife gets
home, pour two more glasses– one for you, one for your wife. And here, we might
as well pop it open. [POP] Whoo! [MUSIC PLAYING] Hey! You know, that happens every
time you pop a LVE bottle open. Music comes on. The lights dim a little bit. And you get in the groove? Yeah, you get in the groove. So you got the look. You got the gifts. You got the wine. Now all you need
are some sexy moves. Oh. Yeah. We’ve got– Is that good? We’ve got a perfect
dance consultant for you. We’re going to bring tWitch out. And tWitch is going to help
you dance a little bit. All right, Matt. Enjoy. Thank you. Here you go. [MUSIC – OUTKAST, “THE WAY YOU
MOVE”] (SINGING) But I know
you all wanted that 808. Can you feel that B-A-S-S, bass? But I know you all
wanted that 808. Can you feel that B-A-S-S, bass? I like the way you move. I like the way you move. I love the way you move. I love the way, I love the
way, I love the way you move. I love the way you move. I love the way you move.

Author Since: Mar 11, 2019

Related Post