– I do a whole bit
about trying to be on the swim team as a
kid, and I was so consumed with Fun Dip and nachos,
going back and forth, sweet and salty. – Oh, yes, yes.
– That’s also part of it. – Oh my god, that is totally
what swim meets were all about. – I joined the swim team because
the swimmers ate Fun Dip. They thought it helped them
swim faster, the sugar. – Oh, right. – ‘Cause I did not wanna
be on the swim team, and saw that and I was like, “Oh, I’d like to be on
the swim team.” (laughs) (rock music) – In studio now, she’s got
a new special on Netflix coming out tomorrow,
it’s so exciting. Her first hour special, it’s
Fortune Feimster, everyone. Welcome to the show, Fortune. – Nikki, oh my gosh. – Congratulations
on your special. – Thank you, my friend. – Oh my god, I see
you in Los Angeles every single time I’m there, because you do a
morning show also. You have What A Joke
with Papa and Fortune on Netflix radio, Channel 93, weekdays 10-12 p.m., so
the same time as my show, so it’s a little hard for
me to promote right now. – Listen, you don’t have to
say one more word about it. Don’t even mention it again. – No, you should check
it out on demand, that’s when I think you
should listen to it. – [Fortune] Listen to Nikki’s
show and then go to demand. – I gotta say, when
I went on that show, your show, I had the best time. And I’ve gotten so many people saying that they had
watched it on YouTube, and I didn’t know that I was–
– Being filmed? – Yep, being filmed,
so I had no makeup on. It’s the only interview
that you can say of me where I’m truly–
– You’re raw. – [Nikki] Raw, baby.
– That’s excuse I use. I never wear makeup. – [Nikki] So you go,
“They didn’t tell me, “I didn’t know
they were gonna–” – I go, “Oh my
god, I had no idea. “Otherwise I woulda
worn my gown.” (laughter)
– Fortune Feimster, your special’s called
“Sweet and Salty,” it premiers tomorrow. Are you so excited on the
eve of your Netflix special? – I am very excited. I’m just trying to
get people to watch ’cause I’m so proud
of it, you know? – It’s gonna be everywhere.
– I hope so. – Did you go into Netflix and
have that meeting with them where they showed you all the
different things that they do? – It’s pretty crazy.
– Netflix is nuts, dude. – The scope of it is
beyond my comprehension. They’re like, “We’re in,”
I dunno, 190 countries? – [Nikki] I didn’t even
know there were that many. – I don’t even know,
it could be 119. If I am making up
countries, I don’t know. I really don’t know how many
countries exist in the world. – I don’t either. – Until you brought it up
I never thought about it. – Yeah, let’s get a
number on that, Noah. How many countries
are in the world? – If they’re not
watching my special in Guinea-Bissau
I’ll be so upset. (laughter) – What else does
Netflix do that’s crazy? – Carmen Lynch is
also here with us. She’s gonna be on
Jimmy Fallon on Friday. Anya Marina’s here. She’s gonna be watching
all of this stuff this week with me.
– I am. I’m also going on
your tour with you, starting Friday.
– Oh my god, yeah. I forgot about that, yeah.
– Yay! – I’m so jealous, y’all are
probably gonna have a blast. – Oh dude, when you
do your theater tour, bring friends.
– I know. – You get it.
– I gotta find a friend. – You’ve been on the road with– (laughter)
You have so many friends. You’re one of the
friendliest people in this goddamn business. You’re so easy to just
be around and run into, and you’re just someone
that has always just… One of those comedy
friends that you’re like, is it weird we’re gonna
know each other forever? – I know, we’re in
this thing, you know? – Doo-doo-doo-doo. – I hate to bring it down, but we’re gonna be at
each other’s funerals. – That’s true.
– Or at the same nursing home. – [Nikki] Oh yeah! The comedy nursing home!
– That could be fun. We’ll have a little open
mic night, like after bingo. – [Nikki] That would be so fun. – Well, are y’all
gonna be in New York? ‘Cause I’d rather
be in Palm Springs. – I’ll go to Palm Springs. – I’m not dying in New York. – I need to be at
your nursing home. – It seems like a lotta
work to die in New York. – [Nikki] Oh my god. – I wanna be where
there’s a pool. Just roll me out to the pool
and let me just lay there. – I just pictured that, like
they were rolling you out. – [Nikki] Yeah, I can’t. – I gotta be around
all the old gays so take me to Palm Springs. – I’ll be in Puerto Vallarta.
– There you go. – Oh, that’s where
you wanna retire? – I’d love to spend my last
few months in Puerto Vallarta. Yeah, it’s a city of gays. It’s just all gay
men, unfortunately. The wrong gender.
– The lesbians aren’t there. – By then they’ll
have these chutes and they could just shoot
us, you know what I mean, through a tube? – Oh yeah, like
those fish tubes. – Those fish tubes, yeah, that were big online
a couple months ago. – I’ll be shot up to Palm
Springs, that’s a nice place. It gets so cold at night, but
it’s so gorgeous in the day. – And you melt in the summer. And nowhere’s gonna
be great by the time it’s time for us to go.
– That’s true. – [Nikki] No, nowhere. – It’s gonna be
snowing in Palm Springs when I’m ready to go. – I think I wanna go up
in the mountains, I think. I think Park City,
Utah, I was up there and I saw my future
of retirement. I was like, this is
where I wanna escape to. I think it’ll be good, okay. The coasts, all
the water will come and then that will
be like an island. – There you go, the
glass is half full. – I’m worried about
all that stuff but, you know, we’ll be fine. We have money. – Do you know there’s a bunker– (laughter) – Let’s hope people buy
tickets to our shows. – Yeah, gotta reinforce
my bunker walls. Yeah, we’re going
on tour this Friday. Very excited, very nervous. – [Fortune] Yo,
it’ll be awesome. – It’s gonna be so fun,
Nikki’s show is so funny. – Yeah, I saw her
performing new jokes at The Laugh Factory,
and I’m like, oh my god, how do you just
get up there and just, everything was new and I’m like, practicing three new minutes. – That’s a ton.
– I feel like such a loser. – You don’t see me
enough, you don’t know that that isn’t maybe
that new, you know? I love running into you
because I always feel so alone in the
world of morning, and then also working at night, and I saw Fortune at 7 a.m.
in the morning at Sirius, and then we saw each other at– – 9 p.m.
– 9 p.m. that night, and I’m like, yeah, I’m
bookending my day with you. There’s someone else that’s on
this fucking crazy schedule. – It was lovely. – How do you do it,
doing morning radio and also at night, how do
you balance your life now? – I’m peeling myself out
of bed every morning, just going, “What did I do?” (laughter) No, I love doing
the show, but it is, as a comic, it’s brutal
doing the mornings ’cause we’re waking
up at 5:30 every day. – Wow. – [Nikki] When I’m in
L.A., yeah, that’s when I– – I totally get why you moved
to New York to do this at 10. – Yeah, I told you
that last week. I got offered the
show in L.A., 7-9, and I was like
yeah, I could do it, or if I moved to
New York it’s 10-12. – Yeah, and then you can
still do shows at night. I mean, I’m trying to get
to the clubs when I can, but it definitely takes a
little bit of a back seat where I’m like, uh, I’m tired,
lemme just do one a week. Which isn’t great, I
gotta get out there. – Yeah, it’s hard. – But the goal is
to just, you know, keep putting out content. I mean, in this business
you can’t just have one job. They’re like, I know you
have six jobs right now, but what else are you doing? – I know, I can’t
keep up with it. – I mean, no complaints,
I’m just happy anybody– – Oh, I could complain. – [Fortune] (laughs)
Wants to hire me. – Yeah, no, it is nice. I was talking to Kyle
Dunnigan the other day, who has a really huge
Instagram presence and has millions of followers because his videos are so funny, and he said an
interesting thing to me, ’cause he was like, I
don’t know what to do next. And I’m like, to me, looks
like you’re just killing it. And he is killing
it by all accounts, and he’s works the road and he’s one of the
funniest people ever and has so many
followers, and he’s like, but Instagram is a TV show
that your season’s never over. There’s never a
break, and he told me if he takes two weeks off
from posting on Instagram that his views will go down
significantly upon the next– – Because of the algorithm, too. – You can’t ever take a
break in this business. It’s just too much
now to stay afloat. You gotta constantly
be treading water, you can never just
grab a floaty and relax and have a fucking iced tea. – Are we all gonna die?
– Yeah! (laughter) – Do you get exhausted? Do you guys ever feel
like you’re on the brink of collapsing from exhaustion? – Oh, 100%. – I think I’m just on
the brink of collapsing from the pressure
I put on myself to be good on social media. I mean, I just wanna break
10,000 and it’s so hard. How can people even get so high, and then when they get
to a certain level, yeah, that’s that
pressure, like you said, to keep on creating,
keep on posting. – And back in the day you
used to have seasons of a show and you would go to vacation
when you weren’t taping a show. Now, first of all, no TV
shows fucking last anymore, and they could go at any time. You always have to do
six different things because one of them
could disappear and then what are
you, who are you? Thank god for stand-up, we
could do it at any time. – Yeah, that’s the
beauty of stand-up is like we have so
much more control. It’s like, you wanna
put out an hour? Go to the club
and get your hour. It might not get bought
at a certain place but there is a platform
for it, you know? There is an endgame to it. – You get feedback every night. You feel the love that your
parents didn’t give you or whatever you’re
seeking every day. – That is true.
– On stage. – Fill our voids.
– Yes! – But even if you take a
break it’s look at negatively. It’s like, where’s
so-and-so been? Oh, she’s with her
family, leave her alone, you know what I mean? So it looks bad, it’s like,
why aren’t you doing anything? – Introduce seasons
on Instagram. – Seasons!
– Season Five. (laughs) – That’s good!
– I’m taking a break, and Season Six will premier. – It’s so funny when
people do have to announce that they take a
break on Instagram. Like, you can just take it. – Nobody cares. – The “I’m taking a
break from social media” is hilarious.
– It’s so funny. – It’s my favorite, ’cause
you always see those people back on in like two weeks. – Or even two days,
they can’t handle it. I follow this one girl– – I’ve learned so
much on my journey of self-exploration. – They’re (groans) I hate these people! The ones that have,
they’re like influencers, but they’re hippies. The ones that are
constantly saging, or what’s the other word,
“I’m smudging my apartment.” And then they do a whole post about how important
it is to take breaks and really nourish yourself
and practice good self-care, so I’m stepping away
from social media, and literally 24 hours
later they’re back without any explanation. I’m thinking of
one specific girl. – Yes.
(laughter) – You know who you are. – And I’ve spent way too
much time on her feed, let’s be honest, I
go down a wormhole. – Yeah, but you’re
wasting your time consuming her, so who’s
really at fault here? – That’s true, this
is an intervention. (laughter) – I’m gonna show
you her feed, too. – I mean, we all know
that things on Instagram are fake and that we shouldn’t
compare our lives to it because there’s filters. You know, when a girl’s
doing yoga in her living room and her living
room looks perfect, and her hair looks perfect,
and her outfit is perfect, I always just try to
think about how much she’s yelling at her
boyfriend who took the picture and is like, “Not this angle!” (laughter) Every picture that’s taken,
unless it’s a selfie, there’s someone that
she had to be like, “Will you take this for me?” That’s why I don’t
like men on dating apps who have a lot of
pictures of them just like by a
car, doing a pose. – ‘Cause someone
had to take that. – Because they had to
ask someone to take it. I would prefer a selfie, it
shows that you’re less of a, selfies are supposed to
be like the quintessential egotistical,
self-centered thing to do, but really, it’s so
much worse to ask, to stop someone’s day and
make them take photos of you. – Oh, my favorite
are, there’s comics who have pictures of
them contemplating and being like, “Just
thinking about my next job,” hashtag bless. I’m like, what are
you doing, come on! You should have
enough self-awareness that this is so dumb. – It’s so lame, I posted
a picture yesterday where it’s a cute picture
of me, I just liked it. I literally made Jon Laster, who was hosting at
the Comedy Cellar, I stood on the stairs,
he was standing there, I go, “Jon, will you
take my picture?” And I stood on the
stairs and I posed, and I was just doing
frisky, fun poses– – Frisky fun!
(laughter) – Like who I would wanna be. I really was trying to be
so flirty and fun and frisk. – That’s what I gather
when I saw the picture. I’m like, “She’s
looking frisky and fun.” – That’s all I wanted
you to think, Fortune. – Yeah, it worked. Jon, great job. (laughs)
– Great job, Jon. He really did a good job,
’cause I kept looking at him being like, “Not
quite,” and I was like, “Don’t worry about it.” And he goes, “No,
let’s get this!” And I was like, thank you, I don’t wanna
inconvenience someone. I really didn’t
wanna bother him. He nailed it, and
then I was posting it and I was like, you now
when you have a picture where you just look good,
or you just wanna brag? There’s no joke to be had there, and you’re like, “What kind
of joke can I make to–” – “How can I shit on myself
to make people laugh?” (laughter) – These jeans are tight.
– Bring down my hotness. – Yes, there’s a great sketch on “I Think You Should Leave,” Tim Robinson’s Netflix show. I think it’s on
the first episode, and Vanessa Bayer is in it, and I think you can
watch it on YouTube. But it’s her and her friends
at lunch posting a picture, and one of them posts the
picture of them at brunch and she’s like, “Look
what I posted, you guys, “‘At brunch with
these two dum-dums.'” And they all laugh, and
then Vanessa’s like, “I’m gonna post
one,” and she’s like, “I’m at brunch with
these two sacks of shit, “just slurping down
our fucking drinks, “thinking we’re
better than everyone.” And then she’s like, “We’re just a bunch
of hogs eating slop.” And they’re like, yikes.
– It’s so funny. It’s so funny. – I’m doing it no justice, but it is poetically hilarious. But I was posting
this, and I go, if I was to have a
brand on Instagram, I don’t want it ever be like, if I think I look hot in a
picture, I just wanna say, “I think I look hot
in this picture.” Because I don’t want girls
to look at pictures of me and think that I didn’t
pick the best one out of a series of 100. That I didn’t adjust it to make myself look
at hot as possible. That I didn’t have a
spray tan, perfect makeup, I spent an hour on my outfit. I want them to know
that all of these things go into any good picture of me, ’cause I have said it
on this show before, but sometimes I go
through my own feed, and I’m like, “God,
she’s so cool.” (laughter) I’ll go, “She had it all.” I’ll be like, “Wow, Nikki,
you’ve really lost it. “You were killing
it for so long,” and then I go, “You’ve
never been killing it.” This is curated in
a way that even you are tricking yourself
into thinking that you used to have it all, when really, you’ve been this
same person the whole time, which is a person who is
picking the best version of themselves,
even me, so honest, so out there with my flaws,
even I am lying to you! I’m lying to all of you! – This is also an
intervention for you – [Nikki] It’s
true, I’m all here. But you know what I
posted on this picture? I posted exactly what I
was doing in this photo. – [Fortune] What does it say? – Act as if. This was the vibe I was
trying to inhibit that night, even though I did not feel
this confident, act as if. This picture is not
who I truly feel I am, but it’s who, if I want
to change my demeanor in a certain situation where
I’m feeling vulnerable, when I’m feeling anxiety,
act as if it’s fine. Just act as if, that’s what
we’re all doing on Instagram, and we should be doing it
because you can act as if and it can inspire
you to then be as if. As if.
– As if. – But it’s all a lie. – You just took
a big gulp, like, “Oh, my thoughts are really–”
– Catching up. – “Really making me tired.” – That was the best
intervention ever. – Yeah, we all
need interventions. Fortune, do you get
triggered by Instagram? ‘Cause you’re someone
who doesn’t wear makeup, you’re not really focused on, you’re someone who
doesn’t feel the need to dress a certain way, I know
you’re not plagued as much by those things,
but are there things about Instagram that
will make you feel sad? Not so much like a
girl’s cute outfit, but other things?
– Right. Well, I mean, there’s
certainly plenty of people who are like, “You’re on TV,
you should elevate it a bit,” you know, so I then
get in my head like, “Oh, I need to care more.” But then I just
kinda get caught up with life and forget
about it, where I’m like, “Oh yeah, this T-shirt’s
old,” or whatever. I don’t know, I’m
just trying to, I just wanna work,
you know what I mean? I just wanna provide for
myself and my family. And that, at the end of the day, is kinda like where my drive is. It’s not like, “Oh, what
does my face look like?” I wanna be healthier, you know, obviously that’s something
that I struggle with, and there are good
days and bad days, sometimes where I’m like, “Oh,
I’ve just lost 40 pounds,” and other days where I’m
like, “I had cake for dinner.” So, (laughs) it’s more of like, how can I try to be a
healthier version of myself and also do a good job
and try to get people to wanna see me do
what it is that I do? – You hit on something
really good there that I love which is you sometimes
beat yourself up because you’re like, “I
should wanna do these things.” Why am I not doing these
things that I don’t care to do? Sometimes I’ll see a girl that’s doing a new
Pilates regimen, and I’m like, “I need to
do that, I should do that.” Or like, people go, “You
need to learn Jiu-Jitsu,” and it’s just like–
– Oh, that’s very specific. (laughter) – Not even karate. Jiu-Jitsu, wow. – Oh, people love Jiu-Jitsu. Noah, for example, and I
know that if I did Jiu-Jitsu it’d fucking love it and
it would change my life. I don’t have time for it, but there’s this constant
gnawing in the back of my head of like, “You’re not
doing Jiu-Jitsu,” like all the time. – I can 100% say I’ve
never had that thought. – Yeah, but you even
said about your shirt, you don’t give a fuck
about if a shirt is nice, but I don’t give a
fuck about Jiu-Jitsu, but you feel this expectation
to like you should care about that, and I’m
like, “Why don’t I care?” I wish I did care! – It’s also fun to just
say, “I do Jiu-Jitsu.” – Yeah.
– Yeah. – Say it seven times in a row. – Jiu-Jitsu, Jiu-Jitsu,
Jiu-Jitsu, jujeka– – [Anya] No, I do. – I do Jiu-Jitsu,
I do Jiu-Jitso, I do ju-jah-jeh-ki-yah. – It would come in
handy in New York, ’cause there’s threats
around every corner, right? – That’s the thing, you
can defend yourself better as a woman if you
know Jiu-Jitsu. – But just save
time and get a gun. – Yeah, that’s true. – [Fortune] Okay. – Or a knife. – Or a knife.
– Or a candlestick. – Or stay home. – Just don’t leave your house. I mean, it’s hard, you know, I guess sometimes it’s hard to, I don’t think about the
physical appearance I guess, as much, because I’ve
never been the hot chick, or no one’s looked at me
for my looks, you know? I’ve never been that person
that people go to for that. But it is easy to look at
what other people are doing and be like, “Oh, why
haven’t I done that thing?” You know, it’s always
setting us all up to compare ourselves
in some way, because, like you said,
you’re always presenting your best self, you know. People are like, “Filming
this show and that show,” but they’re not saying, “I
got rejected for 10 years “and finally I caught a break.” – Yes! – There’s a lotta backstory
to the people’s triumphs. – I also think it’d be
nice to just present your worst self. – [Nikki] I was
just gonna say that! – And then, when you do
get a TV show or whatever, even, you know, someone
does your makeup, then it’s like it
pops more, you know? – I kind of am tempted right now to start an Instagram
account where it’s like you just share all
the worst things that are happening
to you that week, because I feel like
Instagram is just like, “Look who I’m hanging
out with this week! “Look what projects
I’m working on! “Look where I performed!” And everyone thinks
I’m fucking killing it and I would like to just, just selfies in bed with all
the food that I’ve binged. Just only that, though,
only my worst moments to kind of balance it out. And I’m sure there are
accounts like that, that are like, “This
is raw and who I am,” but like, really. – When Judy Gold,
she’s so funny, when she posted
those hot flashes, and they’re just close up and
she’s sweating on the subway, and she’s like, “Menopause.” – Amazing.
– So funny. – I gotta follow her. See, that gets a follow.
– Oh, lookie there. – See, that’s the
type of shit I love. And it really does help when
you stop following accounts that make you feel
worse about yourself. And I don’t care if
they’re a fellow comedian who you’re friends with. – You know, I had to
unfollow so many people, and like three days later
they invented the mute thing, and I felt like such a dick. – I know, because if you
go back and follow them they’re gonna see it
and be like, “Why?” – But I had to
for my own sanity. I was in such a bad place. – Yeah, someone
recently was like, “Why don’t you and Iliza
Shlesinger follow each other?” And I go, nothing
to do with her, I actually enjoy her and running
into her, we’re friendly. She works out too much, and
it makes me feel triggered. It makes me feel
like I’m less than. It makes me feel like I
need to be working out. It’s all my issue, not her, but she posts about
her body too much, and it makes me feel
like I am less than, and so I stopped following her. It’s not because
I don’t like her, but people wanted to
read something into it and I just blatantly said, “It’s ’cause she
works out too much,” and I’ll tell that to her face. – And that’s why you follow me. – And that’s why I follow you. I double-follow you.
– ‘Cause I don’t work out. – I loved watching your
stand-up the other night when I saw you at
The Laugh Factory and I’m so excited
about your special which comes out
tonight at midnight. – Whoo! – You’ve gotta check it out. And it’s interesting, it’s
called Sweet and Salt, Fortune Feimster,
Sweet and Salty. Guys, you’ve seen
her on Chelsea, you probably first came across
Fortune on Chelsea Lately. She’s been on The Mindy
Project, you’ve been in movies. You were in Office Christmas
Party with Jennifer Aniston. Yeah, I was her Uber
driver. (laughs) – What?
– It was the most fun. I got to just be in a car
with her and insult her. Her character’s name was
Carol, so I just kept saying it was an old person’s name, and she had to just
sit there and take it. She was so awesome, though. – Did you first get to
know her on Chelsea Lately? – I sat beside her at
Thanksgiving, weirdly
enough. (laughs) – That’s right, they’re friends. – I am getting emotional. – Aw!
– I know, it was so great. ‘Cause she, honestly, is probably one of the
best people in showbiz. – That’s what everyone says. – Yeah, it was early
on in my Chelsea days. She had just started
dating Justin and they came to Chelsea’s
house for Thanksgiving and she kinda invited the people that didn’t have anywhere to go, and everyone was too nervous
to sit down beside her. – Was this the Ed
Sheeran Thanksgiving? The famous one
where he got wasted? – No, he wasn’t there.
– Oh, okay. – And she and Justin were
sitting beside each other and Whitney Cummings
was on the other side, and I was the last
person with my food and Chelsea sees me
standing there and she goes, “Oh god,” ’cause she
knew I was about to sit beside Jennifer ’cause
there was nowhere else. So I sat down beside her, was so nervous,
and she was like, “I made this Greek salad,” and I’m like, “I love salad!”
(laughter) “I love salad so much and
Greek salad’s my favorite!” – You ate a salad prepared
by Jennifer Aniston. – Oh, that’s so cool!
– Yeah. And she was just so nice, and friendly and
cool, and I was like, this is the best person. And then I didn’t see
her for a couple years, and then I got Office Christmas
Party three years later, and I get on set, and
she’s like, “Fortune! “Oh my god, I haven’t seen
you since Thanksgiving!” And I wanted to cry.
– Salad! – “She said my name! “Do you remember how
much I loved her salad?” (laughter)
– That’s so nice. – And then I had to
come back for reshoots. There was like a cast dinner
and no one was there yet except for her and Jason
Bateman and his wife, and just the three of
them were just hanging out and I walk in again like
that person like, “Oh, hi, “I shouldn’t be here.”
– “I like salad!” (laughter) – I sat down beside her
again and we started talking. And she has since revealed this, I would never have revealed it, but she had a secret
Instagram account, and she was like, “Oh, I was
looking at your Instagram. “Your mom’s so
funny, and your–” – Oh my god!
– “Fiance’s so pretty.” I’m holding the table, like (groans).
– Oh my god. – And then she joined
Instagram, as we know, recently, and she started following me. – She did? – I wrote a post. I was like, “I’m
gonna just test it,” to see how much she follows me. (laughter) – She might’ve
muted you instantly. – I might’ve.
– You might’ve triggered her. – So I put like, welcome
her to Instagram, like she’d broken the internet, and she wrote like five
hearts back and I– – She commented
five hearts back? – [Fortune] Five
hearts back, yeah. – Oh my god, congratulations.
– Thank you! – Special, smeshial,
who doesn’t? (laughter) Check it out if you want, but Fortune is friends
with Jennifer Aniston, I think that’s what she’s
really here to promote. – Your special is now
called Five Hearts. – But, you know,
there’s so many people– – Five Hearts from Jen. – So many people in
this business are like, “Yeah, so-and-so’s great,”
and they’re all full of shit, that person’s not great. But I can say with 150%, which is not even a real
number, that she’s amazing. – [Nikki] Wow, no, that’s uh– – I’ll always be a fan of hers. – That’s great, I’ve
only heard nice things. I’ve heard one time where
she wasn’t cool to someone, but that person is awful,
and I was like, “Yes!” And so it made me feel like
she stands up for herself, and it was a story from
really when she was early on, and it was a bad person
she was working with and she was
completely rude to him on set in front of people,
and he talked about it like, “Oh, I can’t believe
she was so rude,” but I know for a fact
that he’s a poisonous, terrible person, and I just
know that she sensed it. I’ll talk to you
off-air about it. – I think I know who
you’re talking about. – Yeah, you can find it
online, there’s a lot of, he’s talked about it
on podcasts and stuff about how she was rude to him. But he’s a bad person,
so I was just like, oh, she got. I like when a woman’s, I like when a woman
is mean sometimes, because it’s like we’re not
always all supposed to be nice– – She doesn’t have to be nice, yeah, no one has to
be nice to everybody. – No one, no! – If you’re dealing
with a not great person, your behavior is
gonna reflect that. – That’s why I
liked when the Pope, that woman grabbed him
recently, and he slapped her. I’m like, good!
– Yeah! – The Pope shouldn’t put
up with just anything just ’cause he’s
the goddamn Pope. Jennifer Aniston doesn’t
need to be nice to everyone. I hope there’s a couple
stories where it was like, “She was really rude
to me,” and it’s like, well you probably
approached her at a dinner in a really rude way when
she’s wanting privacy. So many people have these
stories of celebrities where they’re like,
“They’re an asshole, “terrible run-in,”
and it’s like, you never think about what
was on the other side of that. I’ve seen people be so
rude to celebrities. – Yeah.
– I know. – Then forever they
have this story of they were an asshole, and
it’s like, uh, were they? But I love that story,
I knew she was nice. Same with Adam Sandler,
you only hear nice things about him, and they’re
friends, so that checks out. I bet Jason Bateman’s
fucking cool as shit, too. – Yeah, he seemed super cool. I didn’t get to
know him as well, but he and his wife were very– – God, I had such a
crush on him in this, like, on Silver Spoons. – Oh, yes. – Oh yeah, I forgot he
was on Silver Spoons. – Speaking of celebrity run-ins, like, um–
– Me. – Who would be your
Jennifer Aniston, Carmen? Is there anyone that
if they followed you– – Oh my god! – [Nikki] You would just
lose your goddamn mind. – I mean, for me, I’ve
always loved Julia Roberts. I love her.
– That’s a good one. – Interesting, yes, okay. – Yeah, she’s like, you know, she’s always been
America’s sweetheart. – Yeah.
– And she looks cool. She just married a
dude, some camera guy. – Cinematographer or whatever. – I got a great Julia
Roberts story for you. – Ooh, please. – That might change your mind.
– Oh no! – Ah, no-no-no-no-no. – Are you here to ruin
everyone’s Jennifer Aniston? – After the show
you gotta tell me. – No, she actually
does seem lovely, and I’ve recently heard
someone talking about her that knows her
personally, and was like, yeah, she’s the greatest. So maybe my story
doesn’t check out. (laughter) But it is interesting, once
you’re in this business long enough, you start hearing
about people that aren’t– – That don’t behave.
– That cool, yeah. You’re like, “No!” Like with Jennifer Aniston, I tend to try not
to hear anything– – I don’t think you’re gonna
hear a lot of bad stories about someone like her though.
– I don’t think so, either. – I heard that, I’m
not gonna say it now but I’ll tell you after,
about someone who I thought was supposed to be really nice, and I’ve heard from
multiple people she is not. – Oh, I think I might
know who you’re, I think I know who
you’re talking about. – Wait a second, oh my
god, what does it rhyme, can you give us any clue? – I don’t wanna say
it ’cause I like her! – Yeah, don’t say it.
– I have this image of her, but then I was
like, “Really, no!” – Oh, there’s so many
people like that. – There are a lot of people
like that, so it could be– – Oh, that’s it, yeah. I know the one, yes, of course. Anya just wrote
it, and I’m like, can we just pass
it around to verify that it’s the person?
(squeals with laughter) – I mean, there
have to be so many that if you get it right– – No, this one is
a commonly known… – Yes! (laughter)
That’s crazy! – You don’t know who it
is, you’ll never know! Except that you do. It’ll come out eventually. But over the weekend, I was
just looking for something. Over the weekend I got sent
a DM from a fan of mine that said, quote, this. Okay, let me go to
the end, I’m so sorry. I just screenshotted
it and I can’t find it. So a fan of mine, which
I can’t even believe a fan would do this for
me or for any person, but they said, “Okay,
so I met Taylor Swift “and I asked her if
she knew who you were, “and she said, quote on
quote,” which I don’t think is how you say that,
but this person wrote, “Quote on quote.”
(laughter) “Quote on quote, quote,
‘Isn’t she the one that said “‘I inspired her
dancing inspiration. “‘Isn’t she the
one that said I was “‘her dancing inspiration
or something like that?'” Which is true, when I was
doing Dancing with the Stars, I often said that
Taylor Swift inspired me because she’s a bad
dancer, and so I thought when she dances she
actually looks good, and she doesn’t really, it’s
not her natural inclination to dance, so I know that if
she can make it look good, I can, too. As soon as I said
it, I was like, I hope that never gets to her, because it would
hurt my feelings if someone said I
was a bad dancer, and of course that’s the
fucking quote that gets to her. – Oh my gosh. – So she goes, “Wasn’t
I the one that said, “Wasn’t she the
one that said I was her dancing inspiration
or something like that?” And my fan goes,
“I told her yes. “Then she said, quote,
‘Is she on Netflix, too?’ “And then I yelled, ‘Yes!'” (laughter) – I love your fan right there.
– I love her! – “And then she said, ‘Is it
the Nikki Glaser Bangin’ one?’ “So I confirmed that,
and then she said, “‘She is awesome, I always
love inspirational women! “‘We need more of
those in the world. “‘Sometimes she is
my inspiration,'” which I doubt.
(others gasp) – That’s high praise. – “She also said she
will shoot you a DM “when she finds time.” – [Fortune] Girl! – I don’t expect
that anytime soon ’cause she’s very
busy, but it’s coming. – You might be in the squad. – Dude.
– (laughs) Yes! – You’re gonna be
in the next vid, you know, what was that one
video with all her friends? They all had like–
– Oh yeah, End Game. – Weapons.
– Yeah. – Or no, it was–
– Bad Blood. – Bad Blood!
– Yeah! – Get ready, you’re gonna
be in that squad, girl. – Part Two, I would love it. – You’re gonna be in
one of those pyramids on the Fourth of July that she, you know the pictures she does? – Oh my god, I gotta do
it before she has a kid! I mean, every time I hear
speculation that she’s pregnant, I’m like, “Fuck, I’m
missing my window!” – The window closes as
soon as someone has a kid. – The window’s almost closed
’cause she’s found the man that she’s gonna be with
the rest of her life, so you kinda go,
“Bye-bye, friend.” When she has a kid,
though, I’m out. – Yeah.
– I’ll have to get pregnant. – This Fourth of July, I
predict you’ll get invited to her party in Rhode
Island, at her big house. You guys are gonna
take a picture, it’s gonna be a
pyramid on a cliff, you’ll be in the pyramid. – And all of us’ll be like,
“Bye-bye, Nikki, bye-bye.” – And I’ll be like, “Bye
guys,” I won’t even wave. I’ll do the Jennifer
Aniston-Brad Pitt chest pull. You’ll be grabbing onto my– – I’ll be like, “No!” – And I’ll be stewing
on Instagram, going, “Why is there not one fat
person in that pyramid? “Oh my god, you didn’t
even want one on the base? (laughter)
“Come on! “You need a hardy
shoulder, come on!” – All I think, though, is that
I’m too much of a liability for someone that famous
to be friends with. The stuff I say…
– ‘Cause of what you say? – It just would get
them in trouble. – Yeah, but whatever. – (sighs) Yeah,
whatever, seriously. Are you worried about
anything in your specials, Fortune, that people are
gonna get upset about, or is there anything
that you’re like, oh man, like what are your feelings
on the eve of your special? – I mean, the world
that we live in now, honestly, I don’t know.
– You don’t know. – I don’t know, it could be, because nothing is ever said, at least from me,
that’s with malice or meant to be negative or affect anyone in any way. But I could make a flippant joke that I think is so
innocent, and who knows? So I’m kinda just bracing, but I’m not a very
controversial comic. I don’t express
political opinions. My entire special is stories. It’s storytelling with jokes. – I can’t wait for it. – I talk about,
literally, from birth through elementary school,
high school, college, moving to L.A. to
now, and so, you know. – Whoa, so that’s
how you framed it? – [Fortune] I go
the whole timeline. – Did you work to make
it this narrative piece that started that way? How did this shape
together for you? – It didn’t start that way, I just realized that
I had these stories, and I go, “Wait, that,
well that happened, “then that led to this.” And then once I
sold the special, the narrative started taking
place, where I was like, “Oh, there’s a theme here,”
and it comes full circle. But it took me a long time, I mean I’ve toured this
set, like versions of it, for two and a half years, but I didn’t even find that
theme until two months before. And then I just was like
every night at the club– – I remember seeing
you right before. When did you tape this?
– September. – Yeah, so it was fairly
recently, and where’d you film? In Charlotte, North Carolina. ‘Cause I’m from like 30
minutes from Charlotte. So it was a big hometown crowd, and they were so stoked,
but they were so excited that they were yelling
throughout my entire set, and I finally had to be
like, “Can you shut up? “We’re recording this.” There was this one
woman in the balcony, the first show, everything
I said she’d be like, “Yep, that happened to me, too.” – Aw, I hate that. – And you’re like, no!
– No. – Shut up! – Yes, and like
everything, she’d be like, “Uh-huh, that’s right.” – It was your conjoined that
you had just had removed a couple months ago,
so she wasn’t lying, she’d been through the journey. Everything that did happen to
you did happen to her, too. – So it’s a very, I’ve never
had a set be so personal, and so like, this is my life. – You’re such an
incredible stand-up. I’m really excited to see
this version of your stand-up, because you’ve done the half
hour, the stand-ups on Netflix, it performed well enough
that they gave you an hour, they don’t do that for everyone. You’re obviously in
demand, it’s so exciting. The name of the
special is called, I ripped up your paper because I think it’s
called Jennifer Aniston Is Friends with Me on Instagram. – Five Hearts. – [Nikki] Five Hearts,
Jen’s Five Hearts. Salty and Sweet.
– Sweet and Salty. – I was gonna say.
– There’s never salty first. You gotta go sweet first.
Why Sweet and Salty? – It’s a food thing.
– ‘Cause that’s what you are. – Part of it’s that
I’m very sweet– – [Nikki] I mean,
that is your act. – And then I will
talk about handjobs all of a sudden, you know?
(laughter) – Are we gonna hear
you talk about handjobs on the special?
– One time, one handjob. But it’s not, ’cause in my half hour I talk
about my handjob experience. This one’s just
talking about how back in the day
there was no YouTube, so you didn’t know
how to give a handjob, but now we have YouTube,
where a 16-year-old girl named Jessica is
like, “Hey guys, “I’m gonna show you
how to be able to “give the best goddamn handjob
of your whole goddamn life.” – Thank you so much
for watching that clip that you just watched. Did you enjoy it? I hope you did. If you did, thumbs up it! Why don’t you subscribe? Why don’t you just keep
watching more videos? Let them play, share
with your friends, go share on your
Instagram story, go just have a great day.

Author Since: Mar 11, 2019

  1. Nikki is funny, fortune is funny……why are the other two on here? They didnt contribute anything. They are just nikki's leeches? I mean entourage? I really hope shes not paying them. What a waste.

  2. PC culture's really got Nikki where they want her. Being too woke is putting people to sleep; reel it back in. Love me some Fortune.

  3. • The group talks balancing late-night comedy with morning radio shows: 0:33

    • Social media needs to take a dark week: 7:06

    • Fortune Feimster doesn’t let Instagram get to her: 16:30

    • Fortune once spent Thanksgiving with Jennifer Aniston: 22:00

    • Some celebrities get an unfair rep for being rude: 27:20

    • How close is Nikki to joining Taylor Swift’s squad?: 30:18

    • Fortune explains how she developed her new comedy special: 33:45

  4. Nikki talks about how she doesn’t like guys who post pics that were taken by someone else…..

    ….then proceeds to tell a story about she had someone else take her picture over and over until it appeared “frisky and fun”. –_

  5. Cheers from Grand Rapids! Nikki you were great at 20 Monroe the other night, and Fortune, we can't wait to have you in GR for LaughFest! Keep the laughs a'rolling

  6. Why cant women stick with their views and opinions on things, they’re constantly flip flopping and cant stay consistent with how they feel about anything, first they hate when men have selfies of themselves, now they hate when guys have photos of them that other people took

  7. Quote on quote crime, HA!

    It's not wrong to cloak things and people from your sight absent hard feelings. Everyone talks about not being a hater, and that's definitely legit. I get it. Yet sometimes that impulse to dismiss or bash is a person's way of recalibrating their own standing. So it would appear a more healthy method to put away images you can not celebrate in earnest, even if for a while. I do it. There are Christians that have it more together than myself, not in a showy way either. They humbly practice what the preach, and they are thriving. Sometimes that inspire me, other times I put a blanket over it like a bird cage. Whatever I choose, like you said, it is all my deal. Nothing is wrong with those who excel.

  8. Nikki, please stop being a Hollywood (Taylor Swift, Jennifer Aniston) ass kisser! Howard Stern is rubbing off on you! Pleaaaaase nooo!

  9. Nikki,

    You live in the best city to practice Jiu Jitsu, New York… and you travel all the time, which allows you to visit all the great schools around the country.

    Do it… it'll change your life for the better.

  10. One of my favorite scenes in all of television is Fortune as Dougie in "Life in Pieces" when she wrestles Thomas Sadoski's character in the family's garage. I've watched that scene/episode more times than I'd like to admit.

  11. I’m confused. I’ve heard her talking about this TSwift story a while back. And of course we all know she wrote a response to her mean comment at the beginning of TSwift’s documentary…? I guess this is an older clip I guess.

  12. Hey thanks for this.ive been thinking abkut getting back on social media after a 4 monthe break and tbis reminded why I'm not ready lol

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